The trouble with being hot headed.

The trouble with being hot headed is dealing with the consequences after. I'm a very passionate person. Unfortunately, not always in a good way. I tend to get fired up really quickly, often times over what seems like the smallest stuff. It's because I have a hard time letting go of things. I'm not over sensitive, but I take the things that people I care about say to me to heart. Sometimes when I'm not supposed to.

I will defend myself and my friends in some of the meanest ways possible. I fight dirty. I know that I do. I'm working on it still. I had it almost fixed for a long time, but have had a few regressions lately. So here's the scenario. I get irritated just a little and say something about it bugging me but never really addressing the problem. A couple of days later something totally unrelated pisses me off too. And again, I metion that something needs to be addressed but it doesn't. Because I have such a hard time turning off my head, I stew on stuff. Again, something I'm really working on but I'm still a huge work in progress. So after just having something eat at me for a couple of days I'll finally just snap and lash out. And often times at someone who doesn't deserve it. So if that's been you on the receiving end ever, I'm sorry. You know I'm sorry, I always apologize after. But the trouble with being really hot headed is I never let anything sit. I make all kinds of decisions when I'm really angry or really hurt. And of course, they're not the real things I want to happen. But words spoken can't be taken back. No matter how hard I try sometimes.

I know that I'm a good person. I know that I'm a better friend. It's something I try hard at every single day. But I don't always work on myself hard enough. I'm a work in progress and I make a ton of mistakes. But given my larger than life personality, the mistakes aren't ever small. I blow things way out of proportion most times. My issues are my own and I'll ask every one of you to understand that. You all say you know me pretty well. And I think most of you do. So just understand that I'm going to make mistakes. Most likely some pretty huge ones. But if you give me the chance, I'll always try harder to fix them than I did to cause them. You should know that nothing I've ever said in anger is the truth. You should know that I still care about you, those of you in the small circle at least. But understand that I really value your friendship and your opinions. So things you say to me get taken seriously and to heart. I know that I'm a pain in the ass sometimes. But if you look at the positive things I do, that should out weigh the work that I undo every argument. I'm trying to get my baggage under control. I have massive trust issues. But I've worked hard to get the baggage from the foot locker size down to just the carry on. It's still baggage though, just bear with me a little longer please.