Or am I? That's right, I sure am. Even with music going, I can carry on multiple conversations easily. I'm great at multi tasking like that. That's also why I do pretty well at gift giving. It's those little comments that you don't think I heard that I really did pay attention to.
That being said, I will sometimes just completely ignore what you said and do whatever I want. I'm grown, that's how I roll. It's not that I didn't listen at all. It's that I didn't like the reality of the situation and have decided to make my own reality. It's just part of that stubborn streak. I'm a great friend due in part to being stubborn. Too stubborn to take "I'm fine" as reality. Too stubborn to let anyone do too much self destructive behavior.
But what I still have a hard time understanding is my seeming ability to just dump people from my life. If I get to the point where I feel I've nothing to gain from the situation, I'll tell ya to kick rocks. Selfish? Not really. It's because, as I'm sure any of my actual friends would tell you, you've got a ton to gain from having me in your life. And that my friends is EGO. I've got a big heart, I'd give you my last dollar or the shirt of my back without even thinking. I guess it's not so hard to understand why I cycle through people so fast actually. The more appropriate thought is why after months of not giving a crap do I care again? How does that work? This has nothing to do with any real situation, but it's happened before. I'm an asshole. I know that, especially if I've felt used or hurt. But then, for some reason, my brain suggests that maybe another chance has been earned. But nothing has been done to earn it. Time passes, people rarely change.
I'm rambling. I'm just killing about 10 minutes and just typing whatever words fall into my thoughts. And now that I've acknowledged it, I'm over writing. Hopefully tomorrow will bring something structured to talk about.
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