The new Me?

So far it's working well. There have been a couple speed bumps, nothing too major. I'm hopeful that after a couple months I won't have to try and force the attitude change. As we all know, change is tough. I'm trying to overwrite 3+ years of of second guessing and overthinking every single action. The confidence level is increasing. That's been a huge plus. I'm still not where I want to be in the end but I'm liking the progress. I've still got areas to work on. I'm sure I always will. I'll be glad when the holidays are over and work isn't so bad. It's not busy this week like it was last week, but now too many people's stress level is making my days seem longer. I'm curious and optimistic about the days to come.

The real you?

That's the question of the moment. Who is the real you? If who you think you are as a person is totally different from your friend's views, then who is right? I took a lot of time after the divorce to try and figure myself out. The adjectives I'd use to describe myself and who I want to be don't seem to line up with the one's my friends have used. And it seems that everyone thinks your friends know you best. It sounds like ones perception of oneself is tainted by the fact that you're supposed to like you. So when someone says, "you're an asshole" you tell them you're not. When in fact you are. I've always been hard on myself. But closer to fair I hope. I know some of my strengths and all of my weaknesses. But to find out that I'm out in left field on who I think I am in comparison to my friends views is tough. This whole time, maybe I've been the problem that I thought others were. This next week should be interesting. I guess it's time to go back to the drawing board again.

The day after

Florida lost, Tebow cried on national television. While I haven't been following college football for years like so many of my friends, that sight alone made me smile. While I'm sure he really is the stand-up guy that he comes across as I'm just so sick of hearing his name. I'll be thankful for next season when he's gone and we can go back to hearing about the team again instead of just the man. Thanks again to Dana for letting us post up at the Nutter household. Time to eat and get my workout in.

Despite the rain

Thanks to the rainstorm early this morning I finally slept like a champ. It's been something odd for me but as I've gotten older I seem to sleep so much better during a storm. Never used to be that way. And despite the rain, the drive in wasn't terrible and I had another good day today. It's been real nice to finally string some good ones together. Left work a bit early due to the end of the world storm that's coming. Wanted to get back to my side of town before the sky fell out. Got a great workout in with Blake and had some more quality time chatting with Diane. Meat for dinner, and 2 hours of The Ultimate Fighter tonight. I can only think of a couple of ways today could've gotten any better.

Good days

The last couple of days have been really treating me well. I'm really working on taking that whole positive mental attitude thing pretty seriously. It's been good waking up in a good mood. Traffic hasn't been bothering me either. And work has been so much more tolerable. Now I'm quite optimistic that the rest of the week will end just as well. Doesn't hurt that I've got Friday off and could spend the day finishing my Christmas shopping. That's the exciting plan for the day off. A morning workout, Christmas shopping and maybe hanging out with the birthday girl for a bit in the evening. It's something to look forward to. Hope all is well out there for the rest of you. Enjoy that chilly air, breathe it in!

Nope

Well it didn't end up going my way this time. I had managed to pretty much braced myself for this exact ending so I'm not doing too bad at all. The initial disappointment was there but after a good nights sleep I feel ok. I still want to be friends so hopefully this won't change anything. I'm a bit nervous that I'll feel weird as hell the first couple times we talk of course. Only time will tell I guess. But, time to get up and dust myself off. The next ex isn't going to find me just sitting here, time for the new hunt to begin.

The leap

And in keeping with my new found "just go for it" attitude I sent a nice long note to a woman I like. In it I detailed my crush, and my hopes for the future. Those of you who know me should all know just how hard that was for me to do. I don't like feeling vulnerable at all. There was one of those moments when I hit send that I felt myself scream inside. I had intended on having the conversation in person but timing wasn't allowing it. I felt the need to get out there so if there is a chance she feels the same way I could find out sooner rather than later. Unfortunately, time isn't cooperating with me and we've not had a chance to talk about what I said. It's only been a couple of days but since I have a really hard time turning my skull off I'm going crazy. Hopefully we can finally talk it through today. I've pretty much braced myself for it to go the way I don't want it to go. Hopefully that doesn't happen and either way I hope we're still friends after.

See that girl, she knows I'm watching

So my real issue lately has been companionship. I really miss having somebody around to do a lot of things with. I used to consider myself a very independent person. As time has gone on I think I was very wrong. Maybe not very. I'm realizing more and more that I get lonely pretty easily. Normally I'm fine, or at least I think I am. Lately I've been finding myself checking my phone constantly to see if anybody is thinking of me. I'm hoping it's just me being alone around the holidays again that's caused the funk. And I hope to shake it quickly. Or, even more my speed, I hope to find somebody that can see that I have something to offer them. Keep those fingers crossed, I know she's out there somewhere. I just can't ever seem to catch up with her.

Time is on my side, yes it is.

It's been forever and there's so much to say. Well, not really but I'll try and ramble on for a few to help me pass the time.

It's been a decent couple of weeks for me. I started to reconnect with an old friend. I still feel a little weird and know I'm acting a bit off and know she notices it. I'm trying to get back to where we were oh so many months ago. Because of that, I'm feeling a bit of pressure I know I shouldn't. Not from her of course, it's all in my head. I really did miss having her around, pride is a stupid thing sometimes. Hopefully time will get us going in the right direction again.

The group has gotten a bit smaller yet again. While attempting to get myself 100% right I again realize that I try to make too many people happy. Again, the heart is too big and my expectations are never met. Maybe it's because my expectations are too high. If that's the case, let me know and I'll reevaluate my standards. I feel like I should try harder most days. Then I realize that I do try hard and it's not a one way street. That helps and I'm thinking this time this will stick. No more nice words to reel me back in.

And in happier news, I hope I'm making a new friend. We've been emailing back and forth and I think this could be the start of a fun friendship. More to come on this soon I hope.

The last couple of weeks at work have been awful. I dislike so many of the people in that building sometimes. I try not to be a negative person at work. I try not to bring the other people that work with me down. I'm not perfect but I do genuinely try to arrive in a great mood and spread the joy. But unfortunately negative energy spreads faster. Hopefully this trend will stop soon and we can all move along our merry ways.

That's a good start, hope tomorrow I can get the trend going again and go back to having something stupid to say everyday. Goodnite!

New music Tuesday

Oh how I love you, new music Tuesday. You make my life so much more fun. Only managed to come home with 2 of the 3 new disks I was looking for. Hopefully tomorrow I can find the missing addition to the music collection. Though it's tough to keep up with who keeps putting out new music when the collection gets this big. Too many artists to try and keep up with.

Back assward boss

Nothing irritates me more than bosses who don't know crap. Maybe that's not the right phrasing. Nothing irritates me more than when intelligent people make a stupid call and won't back you up. Our department was told by our boss how he wanted stuff done. We've been doing it his way with no complaints on our end. Now, we knew the whole time this was gonna bite us in the ass at some point. Today was the day. We were called out and instead of our boss saying he told us to do it "way A" he threw us under the bus. I hate people.

It's been forever

It's been a good bit of time, old friend. What's been going on? Nothing really. Just the exact same thing day in and day out. It's too bad that my life isn't terribly exciting. I'm a horrible creature of routine. There's just something comforting about knowing what you'll be doing for the next few days. Maybe tomorrow something fun will happen and I'll actually have something to write about.

Took a break

It's been awhile, thought I might sit down and fire this thing up again. I'm sitting here on a rainy
Saturday afternoon just completely relaxing. I'm not sure why I haven't written anything lately. Let's see what's been going on...

Work is still work. I'm just about done doing the same thing everyday though. The repetition is starting to get old. I still know I'm not getting paid for the work I put it. I've said it before, I'll say it again just to remind you... I'm damn good at my job. Charles River is lucky to have me. I just wish I'd see that pay raise that we all talked about a few months ago.

Everything else is still the same as well. Single and trying to live life as best I can. Softball is just about over for the spring season. Only a week left in each league. And I've officially decided to only play on one team in the fall. I enjoy playing, I'm always trying to get better. Just something about the Charleston team has soured me. I think it's the attitudes involved. I just want to play and have fun. Socialize. We're not getting paid to play, some people think they're good enough to get paid. They're not. It's rec league softball. It's supposed to be fun. I'll spend the summer working on my swing again and more practicing in the field. Hopefully I won't continue to suck.

I believe that's about it. I continue to try and meet new people. I met a couple of new people last night, and Yanks at that. Something about Northerners living down here just seems to piss of the locals. That's fine by me, it gives me something to laugh at. Hopefully soon I'll find somebody I actually enjoy spending time with and she'll feel the same way. Single is fun, but I do better in a relationship.

Yup, now I'm done. Off to find something to do for the rest of the afternoon. Enjoy the day kiddos!

Saturday so far

I figured since I was just sitting here relaxing I might take a minute to do some typing. A small group of us went out last night for Carissa's "divorce party." While it wasn't really a party, we still seemed to do okay. I talked to her this morning. Sounds like she's a little hurting but had fun. Which of course was the most important part of the evening. I'm sitting here now messaging a friend who seems to have constant relationship troubles. I think it's more about her feeling like she has to be with somebody. Like if she's single she's a failure at something. I guess I can relate to it. Though not so much anymore. While I would like to be with somebody I don't feel I need to. I'm better at being in a relationship but I do okay on my own. So I guess I'll be chatting a bit more then a small dinner. The of course the fights. Man don't I love watching them. Hopefully the bar won't be too packed and we'll be able to get a seat for the whole thing. Enjoy the day!

Repeat

This is going to sound like the exact same stuff I've been talking to a couple people about for the last couple of days but I need to get this out so hopefully I can be done with it and move on.

I had a great time on vacation. I wished the weather had been a little sweeter but still I wasn't at work so in my head at least the sun was shining. Of course, I drank. A lot. Everyday I was gone as a matter of fact. I saw friends but still didn't see everybody I wanted to. The problem in particular stems from one evening. Me being me, I said some stuff I was thinking needed to be said. Turns out I was pretty damn wrong.

I've talked to pretty much all of you about the whole damn thing. I don't throw "I love you" around. We'd said it back and forth before, for a long time at that. Something in my brain said it was ok to go ahead and spill my guts. I hate putting myself out there like that. I was really hurt in the divorce. Now while I've continued to be the same caring person I constantly worry I'm going to get hurt again. Something about the situation just felt right. And so I said everything that was hiding in the back of my head. I'm not mad that I did. Just disappointed I set myself up to get hurt knowing how everything would get received.

I've been thinking about all the advice I've received. I really am sure I care about her. More than anybody in a really long time. I am tired of being single. I'm not good at it. I am good at being in a relationship. I do miss it, the feelings that come with it. I may be reaching out for some thought or perception of what I want without looking at what's really there. Everything I said is true. I'd drop everything and move back towards Maine. The idea of kids still freaks me out but I think it's worth it. I get the phone calls, tears on the other end of the phone. So and so treats me like crap. So and so doesn't love me enough. So and so said this while angry and it hurt. How is it fair to me to be on the receiving end of that stuff when I know I would never be that guy. I've given you a better option. I'm not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. But I know I'm worth giving it a chance. Look past the physical crap. Find somebody who'd treat you better. Find somebody who'd realize how lucky he is to be in your life. I don't think you can. All I want is to see my friends happy. Truely happy. And I know I should be a big part of that.

That being said, I'm done with it. I'm not happy with the way I feel right now. I'm going to take some time and push this crap down. Bury it again like I had for the last year or so.

The end

So, yet again, I've come to the end of another return trip to "Vacationland." I'm sitting here killing time and trying to get everything I brought back into my suitcase. It was another fun trip back up here, and I actually got a chance to see just about everybody I wanted to spend time with. Just a couple of hiccups this trip. I did have one panic attack on Tuesday. Kinda hit me all of a sudden and really messed me up for a couple hours. My father's uncle passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday evening. I'm pretty sure I'll be going to a funeral in Florida pretty much as soon as I get back to Charleston. And, surprise surprise, Gram went back into the hospital while I was here. Luckily only for half a day but still... And of course, I went ahead and said some crap that I wished I hadn't.

It's been great to see everybody again. I think I'll try to get through the week to come and then really start thinking about making some more changes in my life. Seems like I end up doing this every couple of months. Nothing like a work in progress. No better way to find out how you really feel about people than by putting it all out there and waiting for a response.

Back to reality, as it were. Time to find some quick dinner and maybe curl up on the couch for a bit.

Wednesday

I've been back in Maine since Saturday, and back in Winslow since Monday morning. It's almost time for me to get back on the road to the Portland area and I think that I've had enough of the area. It's nice to come back to where you "grew up" and see that nothing has really changed. But that's also a little depressing. It's been 14 years, and nothings has really changed. I still manage to see the same people from years ago. I don't have a problem with staying here, it's a nice town. I guess I just don't understand the need to never get out there and give life a shot. Must be something about that comfort zone.

Back in Maine

I arrived yesterday with no delays at the airports or real problems. Though for a reason my credit card company can't explain to me by card didn't work to hold my rental. It's not a balance issue, that much I do know but that made me scratch my head a bit. Had a good lunch at Sebago, started drinking at 2. Hung out with a few of my friends last night. Managed to get drunk and stay awake for a full 24 hours before I hit the pillow. Slept for 5 hours, which is good for me when I get that drunk. I usually can only manage around 3. Now I'm up, clean and smelling good. Time to find some grub and some trouble. What is there to do in the Portland area on a Sunday anyway, it seems I've forgotten.

Thursday

Just got home from another fun day at work. I swear sometimes I really do just hate people. You know it's not going to be a fun day when you hear about the crap coming your way as soon as you walk into work. Oh well, nothing I can do now except relax and begin the vacation planning. The flight still leaves at 6:45 Saturday morning. I'll be in lovely southern Maine for most of the next week, visiting friends and my grandmother. I can't begin to tell you how much I need this. It's time to kick back, recharge the batteries and show some kids how to get down. It seems they always forget while I'm gone. Enjoy the Charleston weather!

Vacation

The countdown is on! By this time on Saturday I'll have a few drinks in me and we'll be looking for a place to get that groove on! Can't wait to see my long lost friends, I miss the hell out of them. Hope you kids are ready to get down, I don't think you can keep up anymore!

Softball

So tonight was another one of those bad games. Had one on my first team last Sunday. Tonight was the first bad one on the second team. Something in the air I guess. Though we did just fine on Monday so I don't really understand it. Oh well, nothing I can do now.

Last night

So we got together for Blake's birthday last night. Just a small group as most everybody else had other plans. We went over to BW3's to watch the UFC ppv and have some grub. The food was good, the drinks were pretty strong. The fights were not though. Hate to see Chuck get knocked out like that again. Hopefully he's not done fighting, I always enjoy watching his fights at least. The Silva -vs- Lehtes fight was awful. At the end of the fights we went over to Thee Southern Belle to see some naked ladies. Again, it was fun but not all that live. Hopefully next time the group is a little bigger and there are a couple more girls to keep Diane company. Don't get me wrong, there were some good looking girls working but not the ones I liked from our last visit. And I made it home before 4 a.m. which is always a good start. It's just about time to get motivated for the day. Softball in a couple of hours. Enjoy the day!

Roots

So just about from the time I was born until just a few short years ago I spent much of my life on the move. My father is a Senior Project Manager for a construction company. He's always taken the tough or important jobs since I was little. Because of that, the company moved us to where the site is. Texas, Alabama, Maine, New York, Ohio... the list goes on. We didn't stop moving until about the time I was 15. When I was younger I hated it. I was and still am a mostly shy person. It took me forever to make friends. It seemed like as soon as I began to feel comfortable in the new town or school it was time to move again. As an adult I'm able to appreciate the variety of it all. I feel like I've become a well rounded person. The thing now is at what point to I finally put down permanent roots. I started to do that while married but in 2005 I uprooted again and found myself in Charleston. I love it here, but still haven't decided what the next step is. Where do I land next? Is there a "next" or do I just stay here. I enjoy my routines, but often wonder if I'm missing out on more. More what? See, that's the problem. I just don't know.

I agree with Rob

I was raised Catholic but haven't been to church in at least 10 years. I understand the significance of today but still hate the fact the regular life has to stop for a complete day. Oops, I forgot to get something I needed so I'll make a quick run up the road to any store to get it. Wrong. They're all closed today. Okay then, maybe I'll go to the gym tonight to work of some of the candy. Wrong. They're closed too. The one time I wish I didn't go to a gym that had to be opened by an employee. I worked in the service industry for 4 years. I worked almost every holiday. Sometimes double shifts because so and so didn't show up for work. There is no reason for my life to have to come to a hold because of something you believe in. It's bad enough I can't get anything from Chick-fil-a on Sunday at all because all the employees are at church. Stupid bible belt.

Sorry?

So I need you to explain this to me because I just don't seem to get it. Why the hell would I say I'm sorry for something I'm not sorry for? As I've gotten older I've gotten a little better at thinking before speaking. Sometimes I'm guilty of over-thinking everything before making a decision. But if I took a breath or two before I spoke don't you think I knew what I was saying? Or doing for that matter. But why the hell would I say I'm sorry if I could care less about your view of anything? Now, I'm a nice guy; I hear that all the time. Those of you that actually know me know that I can be a huge asshole. In fact I do it just because I can at times. But let's be honest for a second. Wouldn't you rather know that when I actually said "I'm sorry for ____" that I meant it. Then it wouldn't just be me saying whatever to make you feel better even though I'm lying through my teeth. See what I'm saying?

A quickie

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JERSEY!!!!!! Had a great time last night on my favorite Jersey Girl's birthday eve bash at Dreaming. How can you pass up $1.95 well drinks all evening!!! Though the service wasn't all that good I still had a great time. The only hiccup was the 20 minutes I had to spend cleaning the all white shoes that I really shouldn't of worn last night but couldn't pass them up. The good news is they're perfectly clean now and I'm off to play an amazing game of softball in perfect weather and follow it up with some burgers and drinks. Welcome to living the dream!! Pics to follow.

The beauty of an extra day

I always forget how sweet an extra day off actually is. I slept in. Upon rising, I made myself a nice breakfast of french toast, sausage and a banana. Links of course, not patties. While eating I watched a little Sportscenter and some music videos during the commercials. Then a jaunt to the gym to get my swole on. Afterward I enjoyed a nice hot shower and lunch. Now I'm downloading some more music and trying to decide what to do when I get done doing that. Maybe another quick excursion to the mall for the ever elusive new pair of kicks? Or maybe I'll just sit on my ass for the rest of the day and watch movies. Only time will tell. But if this was Saturday or Sunday I'd feel the need to be doing something so as to no waste the days off. Not today though, today is a freebie!

Hurray!

So the Feds finally left today. I heard a loud collective sigh of relief when we all watched her car drive away. And so I bid you farewell woman who slightly reminded me of my mother. Thanks for the week of helping us become better people. If not through our work then at least through our words. I can't think of a week where I've sworn that little and had some of the blandist conversations in the back. Seriously, not one conversation about boobs or ass in 6 working days. That's some kind of record for the three of us in the department. Granted I'm usually the one that starts the whole thing but the other guys can keep up with me whenever they want. Hopefully tomorrow will be back to normal.

Weekend

Well the party on Friday seemed to go well. I say seemed because I got a little too drunk to really be paying attention to all of the happenings. For the record though, one bad game of flip cup doesn't mean I suck at the game. I just had a really really bad first round. Saturday was a day spent running a few errands but mostly recovering from the night before. Stupid hangovers! The rain last yesterday managed to be just enough to keep the fields under water so no softball games today. I'm finally up and running, had a decent quick workout at the gym to make me feel more human. Now it's off to get cleaned up and look for a pair of shoes that I just can't seem to find anywhere. Enjoy the sun!

Jammy Jam Time!

I don't care what you think, the party tomorrow night is going to be great! Good friends of mine, together doing what we all seem to do so well. By that of course I mean acting stupid and getting drunk. I love it! Plus, it's a Pajama Jammy Jam! I haven't been to one in years and I know it's gonna be fun. Of course I'm playing the role of DJ once again. I have to, music is my thing. Plus I'll be the drunk guy taking pictures most of the night. Here's to drinking and laughing until the sun comes up!

The Feds!

So this morning I slept in just a little bit longer than normal, taking my time getting to work and just enjoying life in general as I normally do. That is, until 8:55 when I scanned into the building and opened the door to hell. Apparently the FDA finally made good on their threat of a surprise audit. As I've been told, the FDA does audits of any location that has something licensed by them about every 3 years. 2008 was year 3, 2009 is year 4 so we knew we were due. I thought I heard an odd noise this morning as I was leaving the house, turns out it was every member of management's butthole puckering up at the exact same moment. The good news is that the little old lady who reminds me of my mother will be at the location until Tuesday of next week. Given the "oh shit!" look that pretty much everybody had on their face today the next 5 days should be super sweet! What better reason to have a couple drinks and sit in the hot tub?!

Tuesday

Nothing really special about today. I was excited to pick up the release of Quantum of Solace and the reissue of Pearl Jam's "Ten" album. I saw the movie in theaters and enjoyed it enough to pick up this afternoon. And of course, I'm still a big fan of Pearl Jam so how could I not pick up the reissue, even though I still own my original copy of the album?! I'm thinking that starting tomorrow it's going to be seeing some heavy rotation in the car. What better to listen to when spending 45 minutes on the way to work! Skipped the gym tonight, which was most likely a mistake but the old man hadn't seen the movie yet. It's always nice to have a little father/son bonding from time to time. Even the bonding that doesn't involve building or shooting something.

Busy, busy

I just took a look at the calendar and realized just how I've managed to fill up my weekends for the next few months already. I guess it's time to charge up the camera cause it's gonna be a legendary month. First it's the Pajama Jammy Jam followed by my favorite Jersey Girl's birthday. Then Blake's birthday bash, which will be another trip to the strip club. Then it's party weekend and I think I get a weekend free before the trip to Maine. And that of course will be a solid week of fun and two weekends of acting stupid. Add in softball games and practices and time at the gym. So that should give me around 35 minutes each day to enjoy myself privately, if you catch my drift. I just don't think the bank account is going to like me much at all!

A win

You can't beat the weather here the last week or so. Sunny, barely cloudy and the temps have been perfect. Add to the great weather a win in softball and the day seems that much sweeter. Hope your day was as great as mine.

Saturday

Good news, I had one of my better Saturdays in a while yesterday. It started with a quick trip to the outlets where I managed to not spend any money even though I kept looking for a reason to. Then lunch with my favorite Gina and Jersey, whom I hadn't seen in a month or so. Managed to get the car through a quick wash to get one layer of pollen off then I met Blake for some more shopping and dinner. The only real "low" of the evening happened at dinner, where it turns out that none of the good looking waitresses work at Hooters on Saturday evening. I don't go there for the food, although the onion rings are good. I was hoping to oogle a decent looking chick or two but no such luck. I managed to make it out to Mt. P after that to break up Betz's vag fest, and I must say I added some much needed life to that group! Ended up at Wild Wing. I was really thinking we shouldn't of left Infuzion because the bar wasn't packed and the dj was great but them ladies were ready to go so you always follow the good looking ones around. I was pleasantly suprised as the band at WW were great! NSP out of Atlanta. They played all covers, alot of funk and some fun stuff. Met a couple new drunk people while singing "Easy like sunday morning", a personal fave of mine. Time to start getting ready for an afternoon of softball, we're due for a win so keep that in mind.

Nothing

It's been a busy but boring couple of days. I've spent the last couple of nights on the phone with people playing the role of shoulder to cry on. Seems that the old adage of bad things happening in three's is actually true. All I can offer is a shoulder and an ear, that seems to help for a couple of minutes at least. Here's to wishing that everything turns out ok. Now I'm off to have a drink and relax for the next couple of hours.

Same old...

Well with some more hard work last week I managed to drop another few pounds. Now I'm down to 227 from the 251 of 8 months ago. I guess with more dedication I could be slimmer but oh well. I'm happy with the progress and will continue to trend in the right direction. I've got to, vacation is only a month away and that's just going to be a mess. Actually, I'll lean more towards legendary. I'm very excited to get back up there and remind the town how we throw down. Nothing like a lot of drunk dancing and singing in the middle of a shitty bar dance floor to make you feel great. Unfortunately, the bars I used to go to disappear one at a time each time I come up there. Hopefully there's still somewhere left to drink that has a dance floor. And bad news, the move where I spend a lot of money and time getting one big tattoo to scratch the itch didn't work. In fact, now I just want to go in for another big sitting and keep coloring. If I didn't have this trip coming up I bet I'd be saving for the other arm right now. Or I'd be hanging out at Lucky 7's talking ideas. Ok, not ideas. I'd be there to spit game at Tiffany. Let's be honest, chicks with tattoos are hot. And the name reminds me of a great person so why not take the chance?

Drama

So it took me close to 3 years but I managed to eliminate all of my drama. I've really been trying to live with the mentality that it's just not worth it. I used to feed on the energy that drama brought. I remember liking being fired up, which for me was usually anger. I've let all that crap go. Now, that's not to say that I still don't get fired up about some stuff. My job is something I take pride in being really good at. Due to other people's inability to do their own job I will sometimes catch a line of crap that has nothing to do with me. Normally I speak exactly what's on my mind, sometimes I wish that filter was better. And I still get pissed when people make stupid comments. But traffic and all that little crap doesn't weigh me down at all. I think to fill the void I've started to want to get into other people's drama. Not like knee deep, but just enough to keep me wanting more. I've never really thought I've had an addictive personality. I've never had a problem with wanting to drink to excess. Never had a problem with drugs, although I can't give up my Diet Coke. And I know I'm addicted to sex, but that doesn't count. Guess it's something I'll have to really look into at some point.
'

Cardio

So, in case you didn't know, I hate doing cardio. I enjoy going to the gym and finding a nice new gym girlfriend to silently gaze at her from afar. I say gaze, or possibly gazing, but never staring at creepily contrary to what Stephanie thinks I do. Like pretty much everybody else in Pivotal I'm there for myself. I'm still trying to lose a decent amount of weight. I'm still shedding around a pound a week, which is what I wanted to do. The problem for me is running. I like running in softball or when I'm playing a sport. Whomever decided that it's awesome to run on a stationary object is an idiot. But I have no desire to run around South Carolina in the middle of the summer when it's 100 degrees out so stationary it is. Now I'm no long distance runner but if a man with a knife was chasing me I'd do my best to get the hell out of the way for as long as possible. He'd catch me though, I'm not that fast. Oh, and tonight while running my fat ass on a piece of carpet that moves I decided I really hate you thin bastards who can eat anything you want and still look great. And I'm not even kidding, I really do hate you. And don't tell me that you wish you could gain weight, we both know that's a lie. You just say that to make us feel a little better but it never does. So shortly here I'll try to get some sleep and do it all again tomorrow. All the while running, sweating and cursing all food that just simply tastes good for beating the shit out of my will power.

Another trip

So every year I think I'm going to save my vacation time and go on some epic road trip. And every year it never happens. I bring this up because I'm about to buy my ticket to go back to Maine in May. I look forward to seeing everybody every chance I get, although I only get back once a year. I always have a great time, thanks to some amazing friends. But one of these times I'm actually going to try really hard and put something together. Maybe a road trip? And of course the more people that come with me the more fun it'll be. Hopefully we can work something out! What fun is a trip without company anyway?

The service industry

So just one time I would like to actually see some customer service around here. It doesn't seem to matter what the business is. Convenience store, department store or fast food restaurant. It seems like every place I go I'm being a pain in the ass just because I would like to purchase something. Stop at the Sunoco for a soda or water and I get the evil eye from the person behind the counter. It would seem that I'm fucking up their break time. And by break time I mean the time you spend standing behind the register texting or talking on your bluetooth headset or maybe even holding phone to your ear. All I want to do is pay for this water and move on. I know you don't want me in your way but for fucks sake you're the one working here. You chose this job. I'm sorry you don't like it. I didn't like it when I did it either. But at least I was polite to every person that came in. And I never asked "Wha cho want?" or stared at you blankly without telling you how much the transaction total was. And while shopping I always seem to need something in the department where nobody is working. So I carry my stuff from counter to counter hoping to find somebody to ring me up. About the only place I can find actual "customer service" is at a restaurant. And we all know that I'm overly polite to anybody working in the food industry because I would never have the patience to deal with assholes all day. And I try to tip well every time, none of that dollar per person at the table kinda shit.

I tried at least

So before I went to the gym tonight I went back to the tattoo shop to drop off some softball info to a hot chick that works there. I had kinda decided to see if she wanted to get a drink before I went. The guys made sure to give me enough crap before hand so that even if I had wanted to chicken out I couldn't of. Turns out she's seeing somebody. Oh well, at least I asked. And I'm just going to give her a little bit longer to spend time with him then go back and give her a better option. And I'm absolutely biting that from Blake but I think it's a perfect fit for my attitude.

And it starts...

So I'd been thinking about doing this for some time now, and following Rob's "just try it out" statement here we are.

Another amazing weekend in Charleston. Kinda took some time to not do much yesterday. Met Blake and Diane for lunch and drove around with the windows down and the radio loud for over an hour. BoomStick softball had it's first official game today, last week's season opener was rained out. In keeping with tradition, we lost but kept it close. As always, the first inning of the first game seems to be our downfall. Once we got rolling we showed why we've made it to the championship game the last 2 seasons. Final was 13-9. Took the day off from the gym because I'm a slacker. Back to the grind tomorrow.

Hopefully this will be just another hobby of mine and won't turn into an obsession.